Impact Wrestling Results
October 29, 2019
Josh Matthews and Don Callis welcome us to the first ever episode of Impact on AXS TV, after a great video package that talks about the history of the promotion and showcasing all the new talent that will lead the show into its next generation.
NAOMICHI MARUFUJI vs. JOSH ALEXANDER
Alexander is out with his tag team partner Ethan Page. After a bit of back-and-forth grappling Alexander gets frustrated and tries for some strikes, but Marufuji lights him up. The tag team champion slows things down for a beat, taking the action to the mat and keeping his opponent grounded. He lays in some knees to the midsection before connecting with a nasty backbreaker for two. Finally Marufuji rallies and starts going crazy with chops and kicks in the corner, before connecting with a big roundhouse kick for a nearfall.
They’re both slow getting to their feet and Alexander makes the mistake of trying to trade strikes, as his chest quickly turns into hamburger meat. Maru hits a hook kick but gets caught in a Torture Rack spinning slam for an en extremely close nearfall. Fingertips away. Alexander looks for the Angel’s Wings but Maru struggles free and hits a series of superkicks, and another hook kick. Sliced Bread #2 connects, and this one is over. Great opening match!
Winner: Naomichi Marufuji
oVe is seen walking into the building together with their luggage. Dave Crist has headphones on and is singing obnoxiously, because he’s a national treasure. Security approaches and tells them that the Crists and Madman Fulton are banned from the building tonight to ensure the main event is a fair fight. Fulton tries to murder the guards but Callihan calls him off and tells oVe to take the night off.
We head to the Rascalz Treehouse where Dez is describing a woman with long legs and big ole… Trey is here, and Wentz says they’re talking about his mom. Fallah Bahh shows up and tries to talk, but just keeps saying “Bahh!” and looks frustrated. Next thing you know there’s smoke everywhere and they’re all blazed, and Bahh has glasses on, and is talking about William Shakespeare! He says he needs to be true to himself, just like the Rascalz are true to themselves. This is incredible.
JORDYNNE GRACE, ROSEMARY & ALEXIA NICOLE vs. TAYA VALKYRIE, MADISON RAYNE & KIERA HOGAN
Things pretty quickly break down and the ref loses control of the action. Jordynne and Rosemary start delivering corner splashes over and over until Taya breaks it up and we head to commercial. When we come back Nicole hits a missile dropkick on Rayne, but the rest of the heels attack her from behind and put the boots to her in the corner. Hogan tags in and starts drilling her with knees to the jaw and hits a hurricanrana from the second rope.
It looks like she actually hurt her arm off the move as the referee throws up the “X” and the action stops as they check on her. She does her best to play it off like it was a trap, tagging in Taya, but Hogan is legitimately hurt with a shoulder injury. Grace makes the hot tag and starts delivering a dozen forearm shots to the champ. She hits a double stomp out of the corner and follows with the Vader Bomb, but Madison Rayne breaks it up, only to get tossed over the ropes with ease. Taya wants the tag but there’s nobody there, and gets rolled up with an inside cradle for three.
Winners: Jordynne Grace, Rosemary & Alexia Nicole
We see footage of Rob Van Dam turning on Rhino at Bound for Glory. We then flash over to an undisclosed location where RVD is hanging out in a hot tub with some scantily clad babe hanging all over him. He rants about how he came up with his entire moveset, but he’s watched guys like Kenny Omega, the Young Bucks and every other top star today stealing all his moves. He refuses to give Rhino an apology because he “carried all of ECW” on his back. The woman shakes her breasts as he does the “RVD” pose. Alright then.
Rhino enters the arena and starts freaking out, throwing people around and demanding to know where RVD is. He lifts up Jimmy Jacobs and screams at him, and Jimmy tells him Rob is on vacation. Rhino sends a message to his former partner and tells him at Turning Point he won’t be on vacation, he’ll be in the ring getting ripped in half.
MOOSE’S BIG DAY OUT
Moose comes to us live from a golf course. He says he wanted to be at the Impact premiere tonight, but we’ll have to settle for this video package. He puts himself over as one of the greatest NFL stars of all time, and then transitioned to pro wrestling where he became one of the greatest wrestlers of all time. At Bound for Glory he beat Ken Shamrock, so now he’s the best MMA fighter of all time.
KEN SHAMROCK’S FUTURE IS…
The baddest man on the planet is here! Shamrock said he wanted nothing more than to beat Moose at Bound for Glory, but it just didn’t happen. So he’s had to do a lot of soul-searching and thinking about his future, and he’s come to the conclusion that… Hold up, the King of Dong-Style, Joey Ryan, is here and he’s got something to say! Joey reminds us all that Ken is a UFC Hall of Famer and the first ever Impact Heavyweight Champion, and doesn’t want him to retire. Joey thinks he has “one more mountain to climb” and points to his penis. Shamrock doesn’t know who he is, and Ryan claims to be the guy who makes wrestling fun again.
“Oh, you’re that penis guy!” Shamrock says the gimmick is funny, but let’s be real – they’re not in the same universe. He’s a real fighter, and Joey is a gimmick. Ryan says if he’s just a gimmick than when is Ken afraid to touch “it”, and wonders if it’s because his penis will tap him out quicker than a Gracie. Damn! Shamrock says he isn’t out here to retire, and in fact he’s back to put Impact on notice that he’s ready to put the pain on anybody that gets in his way. If Ryan wants his ankle snapped, let’s do this. Joey extends his hand and accepts the challenge for next week, tries to make the MMA legend touch his junk, but bails from the ring before he gets murdered.
ACE AUSTIN vs. EDDIE EDWARDS
Ace comes out wearing a shirt that says “Austin 3:16 Says I Just F***ed Your Wife” so Eddie beats the absolute hell out of him. He goes to the back and returns with two trash cans full of weapons. Ace takes a few trash cans off the skull but rallies with a dropkick to the face, and a superkick on the apron that turns the tides.